Monday, July 31, 2006

Headaches!!!

Joe has been having severe headaches for several years now and
his wife finally convinced him to see a neurologist.
The doctor said, Joe, the good news is I can cure you headaches.
The bad news is that, it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition,
which causes your testicles,
to press on your spine,
and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.
Joe was shocked, and depressed.
He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital,
he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years,
but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
He walked down the street,
he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning, and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought,
that's what I need . . . a new suit.
He entered the shop, and told the salesman, I'd like a new suit.
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly,
and said, let's see . . size 44 long.
Joe laughed, that's right, how did you know?
Been in the business 60 years, the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit.
It fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror,
the salesman asked, how about a new shirt?
Joe thought for a moment, and then said, sure.
The salesman eyed Joe, and said,
let's see, 34 sleeves, and 16 1/2 neck.
Joe was surprised, that's right, how did you know?
Been in the business 60 years.
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
He walked comfortably around the shop,
and the salesman asked, how about some new underwear?
Joe thought for a moment and said, sure.
The salesman said, let's see . . . size 36.
Joe laughed, ah ha!!
I got you,
I've worn a size 34 since
I was 18 years old.
The salesman shook his head,
you can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles
up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion... PRICELESS!!!

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Taz struck again!

We had a great weekend! Our 1st family vacation was wonderful! They were calling for bad weather but it turned out beautiful! We packed up & headed home early, just for the fact, it was our 1st trip & we had sun burn, & I had loads of laundry to do.

It was amazing spending time with my cousin & her family! We all got along great! I love her & miss her so much, so this was so much fun! I already miss her & I haven't been away from her that long. All of her kids were beautiful. She has an 8 year old step-son, the same age as Taz. She has a 4 year old Diva, like my Bell, & she has an amazing 2 year old who I tried to sneak home.

I hope we will get to do this a lot more, in the future.

We camped at Berlin Lake, in Ohio. It is actually, only 45 minutes from us. So we weren't that far away. We did not know there was a lake so close that we could put the boat on. Most lakes around here have limited horse power limits, so we usually go to the Ohio River.

Here's a funny thing Taz did, that Marc insisted I blogged about:

You'll have to remember, Taz speaks with a redneck- Bronx accent. Where he got it at, nobody knows.
Taz is riding his bike. I hear him say, "Little kid... Little kid... Wait up... I'm trying to race you!"
Taz passes kid up as kid slows down & waits. Taz says, "I beat you little kid!"

Friday, July 28, 2006

Check Out Blinkyou.com for thousands of custom glitters and layouts

A Rant Before I Leave!

We are going camping today! I can't wait but let's empty the old head of a few rants 1st:

I took the kids to Dairy Queen last night. It cost a litle under 10 bucks just for 4 cones with sprinkles & a brownie sunde. Now afterwards I thought :
1. I could have went to Mickey D's & paid 3 bucks for 5 cones.
2. I wouldn't have heard the kids fighting over who got what. Mickey's only has vanilla cones & the kids changed their order several times so they confused the person making them & they did not get what they wanted. Kids fault. BUt the kid who did it, gave the mistake to his little sister (who really didn't care) but I had to listen to the three older ones fight about it!:(
3. The youngest, instead of dripping all over in vanilla, was now dripping all over in chocolate with a bonus of sprinkles.
4. I wouldn't have a stomach ache from the sunde!:(

There was one plus. I ran into my cousin - in - law & her husband. It was nice seeing her.

______________________

Why, when doing laundry, do I still find junk in the Taz's pocket. Taz is my Austin & he is 8. He is the kid that your afraid of putting your hand in his pockets, but someone has too! He is also the close up profile pic I chose & Peter helped me by resizing it for me. Thanks again, Peter!
Taz has had (dare you to say that 3 times real fast) to stand in the corner for each item.But he Still puts things in pockets.
Why does he have a coupon for garabag bags?
Why did he not share it when we were shopping?
Why does he have a rusty "s" hock ?
Where did it come from?
__________________

Ok! I'm done! Pray for me & my family to have a save trip!
Have a good one!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Thoughts of a Crazed Momma

So I listened to Peter & went back into my set up on here & made some changes. The way this blog was originally set up, it did not have a title box & I was a little confused by this, but I did not know that I could change that. Peter said I should make some changes in things & I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but he also said to type in my title in the title box instead of having it as my 1st sentence. So I decided to go & explore my settings & sure in enough there was a box where you can turn on or off a title box. The original setting must be in marked off. Trail & error is how I'm learning. Thanks again, Peter. Any more suggestions, I'm listening & trying to learn. :D

Like I said before, my Bebo page where my other blog is, is all set up for you. That is good & bad. You are very limited on what you can do on there. That's why I started this blog, so I can do more. The only problem, I have to be smarter, which that can be a big problem. Our school system is still not as advanced as some & our kids' computer training is not to great yet. So I can't expect my kids to help or know anything. I still have them beat on this. But I'm sure there will be a time they will pass me by.

__________________________________

Things have been crazy here. 1st there is the new things I'm learning about this blog.
2nd there has been the 4th of July, followed with my cousin's wedding, followed by helping my hubby on an old job of his.
He use to have his own general contracting business with a partner. He started it right after 9/11. Before that he was working in metal shops. He wanted to become a welder. The one shop he worked in, his boss didn't want him to learn. But my hubby insisted to learn anyway. Then his boss had to start giving him welding jobs, but he didn't like to. My hubby got tired of the boss mistreating him & got hired somewhere else as a welder. That shop was doing well. They made trailers for floats & big things like that. Disney hired them to make stuff, like little kit cars or bikes for their parades. Well, after 9/11 the market went down hill & the shop he was working at kept closing down. So he decided to start his own business & it was going good as far as getting work. The main problems was there is no money in this business. We lived off of nothing. He was claiming around 20,000 a year, but he wasn't even making that. Well, I'm sure you know that is impossible to live off of, especially with a family of 6. So he finally decided to go back into welding this last fall. He got hired into a nice shop, but they have no health coverage. But that's ok. I do believe God works things out & He always has for us, like surviving off of next to nothing, all these years.
What I started to say, before I got sidetracked (Sorry about that) is that he has a job he has been doing for a lady since the fall. She keeps hiring them for more work & they are stupid enough to keep taking it. Why do I say they are being stupid? Well, because they have done nothing but lose money doing work for her. I'm tired of paying for my hubby to do work on other people's houses. She has had them do so much work & she is paying them next to nothing for it. After they pay for all their material, they're lucky if there is anything left. I want this job done! I want my hubby outta there! So I have been going down there with him on weekends to help a little. His partner has been trying his darnest not to help. Of course, when all is done, the pay will be split. Which of course will not be fair in so many ways. One being that my hubby puts in more time, & two, my hubby has been taking money from our account, which is the money he makes welding, to pay for material for this job. So I'm not to thrilled of this, but I want it done & I want him out of there. Plus he doesn't have the time to be there since he works 50 or more hours at his job.

We have also been busy getting ready for a camping trip. This will be are 1st vacation. The hubby & I haven't been away since our honeymoon to Niagara Falls back in 1993. This will be the kids 1st trip.
Now that I wrote way too much, I'm out of here. If you read all this, you deserve a medal!:D
Have a good one!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Someone Please Tell me Why I can get so addicted to:

.... This Don't be afraid of the graphics, being so high tech & all. ;)

Does anybody remember this game? If we had it, it wasn't our favorite, but I sure like it now. I kinda remember this a little though.

I'm not to good at it. I have got in the low 1000. That's it.




Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Banned From Wally World!

I got this as a forward a while back:

Dear Mrs. Smith,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Smith
has been causing quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused.

All complaints against Mr. Smith have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Brown, President and CEO of Wal Mart Complaint Department
MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Smith
- Complaints- Things Mr. Bill Smith has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13 . December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Monday, July 24, 2006

Tickle Me Elmo:
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up,
putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself,
so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,
wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between
Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .
"I'm sorry,"
he says to her,
barely able to keep a straight face,
"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
I got this as a forward from my cousin.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Isn't this what blogging is all about?

Writing about the people who bother us!

Check Out Blinkyou.com for thousands of custom glitters and layouts

Saturday, July 22, 2006

This is just a test to see if I learned anything. So just ignore.:D

Crazedmomof4 Now if I did this right. All you have to do is click & you have me other blog.

Please work!

OK, just checked & it worked, Thankyou Merle for letting me. I've been trying to figure that out for awhile. Now if I can only figure out how to do my side bar, that would be great!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Funny Facts or gibberish

Can you ever get enough of this?
http://www.bebo.com/FlashBox.jsp?FlashBoxId=6

Well... OK, You Can. But it still is funny!
_______________________________________________

Tonight on the news they were discussing a community where putting an outhouse in people's front yards & leaving them there until they raise money or donate to charity. This community loved it so much that people are on waiting lists for an outhouse. Well, da! Of course! This is Redneckville (Even though we're not in the south, were still Rednecks. Jeff Foxworthy made a dictionary all about this & we all fall into the defination. Plus Jeff is the self appointed king of us & he knows everything !) (We would have voted for him anyway) Now what Red blooded American Redneck, wouldn't want a second potty installed!

Note to self: Need to find out where to sign up for this. Of course, we will not donate or ask for donations, we want it to stay!

________________________

I talked about my other blog before but I do not know how to put links on my side bar yet! I'm working on it. But if you don't know it & want to check out a life of a crazed mom of 4 then here is the link (if it works) http://crazedmomof4.bebo.com .
File this under OH! MY!

1. Marc, my 12 year old, just clicked on Miss Universe while I was out of the room.

2. I just got a letter on my Bebo account from a guy who "liked" my profile & he asked me if I was still single & if I would like to get to know him.

Well, if you know my bebo page, then you know that there is nothing on there suggesting I'm single. Your profile is at the top of the page & my 1st sentance says I'm married. Plus my name is the same as on here. "Crazedmomof4." What in that name suggests single?

I am, however, flattered! Yes, this big fat momma, plushed! (insert little girl giggle here)

_____________________

Since I'm writing on two blogs now, I've decided that bebo will be my everyday stuff, with occasional jokes. I will still add to my albums, including my comic albums, which I have taken a break from.

This blog will be my main joke & useless info blog (not that my personal life isn't useless but you get the drift).

Thankyou anyone who reads one or both my blogs!

I still have a lot to learn on this blog, so please bare with me & if you have any suggestens, my comment box is open.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Bill

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary
hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the Vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s
chest. After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head
sadly and said, “I’m so sorry, Polly has passed away.”

The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure ? I mean,
you haven’t done any tests or anything. He might just
be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes,shrugged, turned and left the
room, returning a few minutes later with a beautiful
black labrador. As the bird’s owner looked on in
amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his paws on
the table and sniffed the dead parrot. He looked at the
vet sadly and shook his head.

The Vet led the dog out but returned a few moments
later wit a cat. The cat jumped up on to the table and
sniffed delicately the ex bird. The cat sat back, shook
his head, meowed and ran out of the room.
The Vet looked at the woman and said, “Like I told you,
your parrot is most definitely 100% dead.
He turned to his computer, hit a few keys and produced
a bill and handed it to the woman.


The parrot’s owner, still in shock, took the bill,
”$150 just
to tell me my bird is dead.”
The Vet shrugged, “Well, I’m sorry, but if you had taken my
word for it, the bill would have only been $20, but with the
Lab report and the Cat scan…….What did you expect it to be?”

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Here's a snake to keep you warm at night!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060719/ap_on_fe_st/python_surgery
A priest,
who wanted to raise money for his church,
was told therewas a fortune in horse racing,
and so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in some races.
However,
at the local auction,
the going price for horses was so steep
that he decided to buy a donkeyinstead.
Although he had some doubts,
the priest figured that he might as well enter the animal in a race
just to see how it would do.
To his surprise the donkey came in second.

The next day the headlines read:
PRIEST’S ASS SHOWS

The priest was so pleased that he entered the animal in another race,
and this time it won.

The headline read:
PRIEST’S ASS OUT IN FRONT

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity
that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race.

The new headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST’S ASS

This was too much for the bishop,
and he ordered the priest to get rid of the animal.
The priest gave the donkey to a nun in a near by convent.

The next day the headline read:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted.
He told the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey.
After several days,
the nun finally sold the beast to a local farmer for $10.
The headline read:
NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS

They buried the bishop the next day.
I took this from Silly old Bear, again.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Here is a meme I took from my fav Silly Old Bear.
http://oldsillybear.com/

Here’s a list of televsion shows, bold all the shows which you have seen at least 3 episodes.
I posted the shows that I watched more then 3 times, red. But some shows I knew I watched but don't remember, it was back when I was a kid.

24
7th Heaven
Adam-12
Alfred Hitchcock Presents
Alias
Angel
Arrested Development
Battlestar Galactica
Baywatch
Beverly Hills 90210
Bonanza
Boy Meets World
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Bug Juice
Chappelle’s Show
Charlie’s Angels
Charmed
Cheers
Columbo
Commander in Chief
Coronation Street
Coupling
Cowboy Bebop
CSI: Miami
CSI: NY
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Danny Phantom
Dawson’s Creek
Dead Like Me
Deadwood
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Desperate Housewives
Doctor Who
Eastenders
Entourage
ER
Everwood
Extras
Family Guy
Farscape
Father Ted
Fawlty Towers
Felicity
Firefly
Frasier
Friends
Futurama
Get Smart
Gilligan’s Island
Gilmore Girls
Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.
Grey’s Anatomy
Gunsmoke
Hannah Montana
Happy Days
Hogan’s Heroes
Home and Away
Home Improvement
Homicide: Life on the Street
House
I Dream of Jeannie
I Love Lucy
Inuyasha
Invader Zim
Invasion
JAG
Jackass
Joey
Little House on the Prairie
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Lost
Lost in Space
Love, American Style
M*A*S*H
MacGyver
Malcolm in the Middle
Married… With Children
Medium
Melrose Place
Miami Vice
Mission: Impossible
Monk
My Three Sons
My Two Dads
NCIS
Neighbours
Nip/Tuck
Numb3rs
NYPD Blue
Only Fools and Horses
Oz
Perry Mason
Pokemon
Power Rangers
Prison Break
Rescue Me
Roseanne
Roswell
Saved by the Bell
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?
Scrubs
Seinfeld
Sex and the City
Six Feet Under
Smallville
So Weird
South Park
Spongebob Squarepants
Starsky and Hutch
Star Trek
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Star Trek: Voyager
Stargate Atlantis
Stargate SG-1
Superman
Supernatural
Surface
Taxi
Teen Titans
That 70’s Show
That’s So Raven
The 4400
The Addams Family
The Andy Griffith Show
The A-Team
The Avengers
The Beverly Hillbillies
The Brady Bunch
The Cosby Show
The Daily Show
The Dead Zone
The Flintstones
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The Good Life
The Honeymooners
The Jetsons
The Love Boat
The Munsters
The O.C.
The Office
The Shield
The Simpsons
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Sopranos
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
The Twilight Zone
The Waltons
The West Wing
The Wonder Years
The X-Files
Third Watch
Three’s Company
Twin Peaks
Veronica Mars
Weeds
Whose Line is it Anyway?
Will and Grace
Wings
A young guy from Texas moves to California and
goes to a big department store looking for a job.

The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."


Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down
after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.


"How many sales did you make today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average
20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"


Kid says, "$101,237.64."

Boss says, "$101,237.64? What did you sell him?"


Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then I sold him a larger fish hook.

Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked
him where he was going fishing, and he said down
at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a
boat, so we went down to the boat department,
and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him
down to the automotive department and sold him a SUV."



The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook
and you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of
tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since
your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

_________________________

I got this as a forward & wanted to share. That's probably the same guy who sold Scott his Trail Blazer.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Oriental Words of Wisdom


Man who run in front of car, get tired

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there,

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.

_____________________________

I got this & the next one from Herons Nest

Let's see if that link works, I just seem not to be able to get this thing...yet.
Here's another from her...

A woman is enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends one day.

Suddenly she blurts out, :

Oh, No! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to be really ticked off if it isn't ready on time.

When she gets home, she realizes she doesn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food.

In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up.

She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner.

To her surprise, the husband is really enjoying his dinner.

"Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."

Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her golf partners about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him !," they exclaimed.

Two months laer, her husband died.

The women were sitting around when one of them said, "You killed him !! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in ! How can you just sit there so calmly knowing that you murdered your husband ?"

The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the window sill while he was licking his ass. Sorry about that

Saturday, July 15, 2006

The Woman Who Vomited Frogs

Have you ever got a strange idea in your head & googled it? Or was bored & thought you would think of something strange & google it? Well, once in awhile, I do this.

what do you mean I'm the only one!? What ever! :D

I thought I'd google something silly today, so I tried thinking of something. Nope! I did not google Panda Porn (This is a joke that the only person that would get it, is probably not reading this, OH WELL!) (If I knew how to do links, I would)

I googled Frogs lick peanutbutter flies. They suggested that I try changing the word - lick to like. So I did. I found a piece entitled "The Woman Who Vomited Frogs." Well... I had to click it. :D Here is the address, I hope it works http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/Pickover/vomit.html

Here is a peek at it...


In 1642, Mrs. Catharina Geisslerin was widely known as "the toad-vomiting woman of Germany." She told people that she had swallowed tadpoles in swamp water, and that frogs were thriving in her intestinal tract. Whenever she drank milk, the frogs would hop about madly. Despite initial skepticism, she convinced physicians that amphibians were in her digestive system -- especially after she vomited fully-grown frogs (sometimes living) for two years in front of famous professors and medical consultants!


Here's more...

Bartholin started his research by cutting up one of Catharina's frog children. He was shocked to find dozens of black flies inside the stomach. How could this be if the frog had grown to maturity within the woman's belly?

Now this shows how whacked up the medical feild was back in the 1600's & if I read it right (Which me is stoopiT) the guy still did not believe it was impossible.

Then it says...

When Catharina died in 1662, the medical community was excited about dissecting her body to search for amphibians within her stomach or intestines. To their dismay, the physicians found no creatures. Catharina did not die by amphibian overcrowding but by liver inflammation.

The scientists studying Catharina did not realize that the stomach's digestive juices would quickly destroy amphibians. (The warm temperature also contributes to their demise.)


Now when they are done talking about this they go into things people swallowed & throw back up. They also say that a lot of these people had OCD. Now that puts a whole new spin on OCD,... for me at least!

The most extreme case of compulsive swallowing is that of a 42-year-old woman who, in 1927, complained of a "slight abdominal pain." Physicians removed 2,533 objects from her stomach including 947 bent pins. In 1985, physicians removed 212 objects from a man whose stomach contents included: 53 toothbrushes, 2 razors, 2 telescopic aerials, and 150 handles of disposable razors.

On the flip side of the coin are those individuals who insert objects into their rectums. Modern medical journals list an astonishing array of objects: a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's syrup, an ax handle, a 9-inch zucchini, a plastic spatula, a Coke bottle, an 11-inch carrot, an antenna rod, a 150-watt light bulb, 72 jeweler's saws, an apple, a frozen pig's tail, an 18-inch umbrella handle, two Vaseline jars, a teacup, an oilcan, a 6x5-inch tool box, a two-pound stone, a baby powder can, a peanut butter jar, a ball-point pen, baseballs, a sand-filled bicycle inner tube, sewing needles, a flashlight, a tobacco pouch, a turnip, a pair of eyeglasses, a hard- boiled egg, a carborundum grindstone, a suitcase key, tumblers and glasses, and a polyethylene waste trap from the U-bend of a sink. In 1955, one depressed man inserted a six-inch paper tube into his rectum, dropped in a lighted firecracker, and blew a hole in his anterior rectal wall.

Now I don't mean to be insensitive but that last guy sounds like a Redneck dare gone bad!

I hope I eb-u-cated you today!:D

Friday, July 14, 2006

Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence,empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
*****************************

I got that from a forward today. I liked it so I posted it. I wish I knew more on how to post pics too. It had a nice pic to go with it.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Monday, July 10, 2006

I got this as a forward too! It is funny!

Imagine if one of your friends called you with this story...Girls, wax is not your friend!CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I laughed till I almost cried as I could just see this happening!All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair
And now...the wax.My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.(YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!)I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, Isneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* andstretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!!
Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!
Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do Ihear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *Hoo-Hoo*?? sealed shut!Butt?? Sealed shut!I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is havingthem glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have aphone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!!I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color...... Now thats funny
"A Woman"
Be very careful if you make a woman cry,
because God counts her tears.
The woman came out of a man's rib.
Not from his feet to be walked on.
Not from his head to be superior,
but from the side to be equal.
Under the arm to be protected,
and next to the heart to be loved.
I got this as a forward & thought I'd share.
YARD WORK - AS VIEWED FROM HEAVEN
(overheard in a conversation between God and St. Francis)
God:" Francis, you know all about gardens and nature;
what in the world is going on down there in the U.S.?
What happened to the dandelions, violets,thistles and the stuff I started eons ago?
I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan.
Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply with abandon.
The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of songbirds.
I expected to see a vast garden of color by now.
All I see are patches of green."
St. Francis: "It's the tribes that settled there, Lord.
They are called the Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass."
God:" Grass?
But it is so boring, it's not colorful.
It doesn't attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms.
It's temperamental with temperatures.
Do these Suburbanites really want grass growing there?"
St. Francis: "Apparently not, Lord."
As soon as it has grown a little, theycut it....sometimes two times a week."
God:" They cut it?
Do they bale it like hay?"
St. Francis:" Not exactly, Lord.
Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
God: "They bag it?
Why?
Is it a cash crop?
Do they sell it?"
St. Francis:" No sir, just the opposite.
They pay to throw it away."
God:" Now let me get this straight...
they fertilize it to make it grow andwhen it does grow,
they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"
St. Francis: "Yes, sir."
God:" These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back onthe rain and turn up the heat.
That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work."
St. Francis:" You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it."
God: "What nonsense!
At least they kept some of the trees.
That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.
The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer.
In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes.
Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost to enhance the soil.
It's a natural circle of life."
St. Francis:" You'd better sit down, Lord.
As soon as the leaves fall, the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away."
God:" No way!
What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose? "
St Francis:" After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."
God: "And where do they get this mulch?"
St. Francis:" They cut down the trees and grind them up to make mulch."
God: "Enough!
I don't want to think about this anymore.
Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.
What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"
St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord.
It's a really stupid movieabout...."
God: "Never mind--
I think I just heard the whole story from Saint Francis!"
I got this from a forward!

Saturday, July 08, 2006


My Little Cousin is getting married!
OK, see the kid in the chair? The one with the Nike shirt on? Well, he is the one who is getting married. Don't worry, he is older now. The little kid standing next to him, blowing out the candles, is my oldest son & he is twelve now.
This is my cousin Dan. He is 22 now. Still kinda young to get married but my hubby was a month away from his 20th birthday, when we got married.
Dan is the last in our family, to get married. 1st was me. I was 21. That was back in 1993.
Then a month later my cuz Chris got married. He was only 18. What was more shocking is that his wife was a month away from her 16th birthday. Can you believe that in 1993 in the US of A a young girl's parents let her get married at the age of 15? & No, she did not have a bun in the oven. They just wanted to get married. Then at some point my oldest cuz got married. I don't know when, because he lived far away & if he had a wedding, he didn't invite us. I don't know how long they've been married. I just know that their one son is around Austin's age, which is 8. Then my bro got married next, I think. I don't remember if he got married before or after Marge, but I think he got married before. He is the oldest in the family & he got married in 2002, but he had been with my SIL since 1997, so it was about time. :D Then that leaves Marge, who I think got married around the same time as Tommy, my Bro. Marge is the 2nd youngest. Now nobody has been divorced. Tommy has 0 kids.
David has 1.
I have 4.
Chris has 3.
Marge has 2 + I count 1 more since she has a step son.
And of course , Danny has zero right now, but I hope it changes within the next 10 years.
My Grandma would be proud. I wish she was here, in person, to see this, but I know she will be watching.
I just can't believe my little cuz is getting married. He was the 1st diaper I changed!, I use to have to give him baths. I remember the day he decided he had to have privacy when taken baths & I didn't mind (I was easily embarrassed & was hoping the day would come where I didn't have to be there:D ) but was afraid to let him, because his parents never said I word to me about it. I remember how he would only eat Cheese sandwiches or peanutbutter & jelly or cheese pizza. He was the pickiest eater. I remember playing with him. Cars on his car garage, baseball with his plastic ball & bat. Watching his ninja turtles & his skating movies. Getting him his Hulk Hogan Wrestling Buddy. I think I bought him his 1st Game boy. I spoiled him like crazy. He meant a lot to me & because I started dating & was growing up too, I stopped spending time with him. When I got married I didn't have time to spend with him anymore & then I had kids of my own. I missed him but time went by fast. Before I knew it, he was a teen & no longer knew me. Or I him.
I missed the little boy. Now he is all grown & I know nothing about him.
I hope & pray he has a wonderful day & this is just the 1st of many.
I hope one day he might find his way to be my friend, but I wish him lots of love & happiness.
Congratulation Danny & Judi!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

***You Are Fall!***
ThoughtfulExpressiveCreativePoeticSmart
What Season Are You?http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatseasonareyouquiz/
***You Are a Lace Bra!***
Dreamy, romantic, and ultra-feminineYou're a womanly woman who makes guys feel like menYour perfect guy is strong, determined, and handsomeWith a softer side that only you can draw out
What Kind of Bra Are You?http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatkindofbraareyouquiz/
You Are a Lace Bra!
Dreamy, romantic, and ultra-feminineYou're a womanly woman who makes guys feel like menYour perfect guy is strong, determined, and handsomeWith a softer side that only you can draw out
What Kind of Bra Are You?



I got this idea from http://beadinggalinms.blogspot.com/. So what kind of bra are you? These are important questions & we need to know. :D

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


I Love My Brother!

When my darling 12 yr.old sasses me in front of Scott, he lets him & even encourages him. When Marc sasses me in front of my Dad, my Dad sticks up for Marc when I yell at him for doing it. But there is one person who if Marc sasses me, will get on Marc before I get a chance to say something. That person is my brother. That is him, in the pic, holding the kids back in 1998.

When we were kids we fought all the time. We even pointed Dad's guns at each other & knives. Pleasant children, we were. I always wanted to be around him & he couldn't stand me for a second. He is one year older then me. The only time he was nice to me growing up, is when it came to other people.

When I was in 7th grade, there was this total druggie that was friends with Tommy & he was interested in me & I shared the same feelings. Then, I think Tommy & some of his friends, had a talk with him. I believe he was told that I was a virgin & I needed to stay that way. Well, that guy dumped me fast. Tommy never said anything to me about it, but I heard rumors.

When I was in 9th grade, some boys in my grade saw me around Tommy's best friend. Just around him with Tommy, at my Grandma's. Tommy's friend D, was like a big brother to me too! Well, the boys decided to be mean & start a rumor that I was pregnant with D's kid. Mind you, I was still a virgin & never even been kissed. I was crushed at this rumor. My brother found out & went straight to those boys & threatened to kill them. They let it go & if I remembered right, the one told me he was sorry.

Now that we are adults, we both love each other & now he doesn't mind being around me. Even though he has long hair, & can dress scary, he has his beard & stache, but he is one of the nice's people in the world. Anyone who knows him, likes him.

Thankyou Jesus for my big Bro & thankyou Tommy for teaching my brat to respect his Momma!


Monday, July 03, 2006


Here is a pic of me. One of the few. I don't allow pics of me. Heeheehee.
This is me, Scott - my hubby, & my SIL - Bean. This was a week before we got married. We had our rehearsal & then people could come to our house for pizza. You could say we are Rednecks even back then.
The Worst Boss

(This idea is from http://crazedmomof3.blogspot.com/ )

I have only had one job. I was a waitress for Pappan's which is no longer there. They tore it down & built a window's. When I 1st started working there it had one main manager & he was very nice. But we did have a lot of assistants go through there. One Ass. (heeheehee) was a real bone head. & he liked picking on me. One time he saw the lettuce that I just put out for the salad bar & he complained I didn't tear it small enough. So I took it back & made it smaller. He still complained & thought it was funny too. You can tell he was enjoying nit picking me. Finally I told him I had enough & put it out anyway, if he wanted to fire me, go for it. Well, of course he didn't fire me, he was only playing with me. Later I found out from another Ass. That I was friends with, that the other guy thought I was cute & that is why he picked on me. He actually talked about me to his friends, saying how cute I was & how he liked to tease me. I guess it was his way of flirting. All it did was make me mad & hate him. I was told he never asked me out because of my age. I was still in high school at the time.

Saturday, July 01, 2006


This post has adult material & is rated R

I was talking to a neighbor yesterday, yes, one of the mean ones. :D and we were talking about women issues. She said how having a hysterectomy (OMG I just looked up that word to see if I spelled it right & I did :D) is better for women having a lot of problems & that her daughter should of had one a while ago. I said that it can be scary & also I read it can lower your sex drive. Well, this made her laugh & she had to tell her daughter what I said so they could obiviously make fun of me. I do realize that I don't really know much in this area because I don't have these kinds of problems, but I do know that that issue is always brought up on news show & what not, when talking about hysterectomies. But the neighbor & her daughter laughed about sex drive & how that is not something that interest them anymore, anyways.

Well, I think sex drive is very important to have when married to have a healthy marriage & to have a healthy relationship. Plus I think it keeps your mind healthy too! If I go too long, I notice I get cranky & the same with my husband. It has taken a while for me to feel comfortable with my sex drive. As someone who has believed that sex is a bad thing, when growing up, it's hard to think everything is normal & ok with God. God did make us with the urge & true, we need to learn to control it, but it is normal to want to do things with the opposite sex, especially when married.

This got me thinking. Don't most women's sex drive increase when they get older? I have heard it does & I, myself, know mine has. In fact, I find it a little funny how Scott once said that one day I will want it more then him & he won't be that interested. I didn't think that day would come. It did. Studies say that men peak when they are young & women don't peak until much later. It seems very funny that it takes a woman a long time to feel comfortable with her sexuality & guys do so early. You got to wonder if it's a good laugh for God & that is why he made us that way.

I fooled around a little before I met Scott. The 1st guy was my 1st love. I thought I was gonna marry him. I was also more willing to try things & didn't feel it was wrong. We would kiss all the time in public, & I didn't care too much of what others thought. When I met Scott, I all of a sudden, changed. Or matured. He never had a lot of girlfriends. He never had any serious girls before me. He was still a virgin. I felt guilty that I wasn't one, but I was honest with him from the start. He would want to kiss in in public & I would be afraid to. I was too afraid of what people thought. After we were married, he'd get mad at me for that. I would try to change. When it came to sex, well, that was ok behind closed doors, but he wanted it all the time & he wanted me to be just as wanting as him. I was not. I thought 3 times a week was not a bad sex drive, he thought it was not enough. I never denied him & won't, but he wanted me to be the aggressive one sometimes & that just wasn't me, then. What happened to make me be this way is because I had asthma & I did not have it under control. So I couldn't breath right. I got pregnant right off the bat with Marc & my doc at the time told me that I was wrong for wanting to breath while pregnant. He said all the meds are to dangerous for the baby & I was a bad person for wanting to breath. I guess he didn't know that oxygen is good for you & the baby. Stupid Doctor. So I was having trouble breathing & I also thought that wanting to breath normal was wrong & not a serious condition, thanks to that doc, & my Mom for not taking my asthma serious & for Scott thinking it was no big deal. Scott thought if I passed out, I'd start breathing normal. If it wasn't for God, I'd be dead. I had no self esteem & believed everyone else that I was a baby about wanting to breath right. Of course none of these people have asthma. So any hoot, I just saw my doc & it was the weekend so I thought I'd have to wait to see another doc about it on Monday. I still went to work & tried to get by. My lungs were tight, but I was doing it. Then a friend at work, one night, joked to Scott about if he wanted to have sex with me, to go a head & just rush me to the ER when he was done. Well, he didn't think it was a joke, but forgot the part about the ER. He got up the next morning & never checked on me & went to work. I got up when I knew the other doc office would be opened & tried very carefully to go down stairs. I got to the phone & called. The nurse on the phone told me to get to the hospital right away, their office was in the hospital. I called my Mom who lived 20 minutes away, & asked her to drive me. Now this was the only time she took my asthma serious. She came right away & took me, she was really worried. She said I looked blue. I feel this was because I was pregnant with her 1st & favorite grandchild. She was worried about him, not me.:D
I got there & for the 1st, with many times to come, I was told I should have came earlier. Scott Called & insisted on talking to the doc that treated me, before ever talking to me. Why, because he was feeling guilty, NO! Because he was worried about me or the baby, NO! He wanted to talk about sex with the doc & find out directly from him, if I was gonna be able to put out for him. The doc let Scott know that I could still have sex. Now this all happened before he talked to me. So you see how important sex use to be for Scott & how it became less important to me, at that time. That is why I was not Johnny on the spot, ready to jump his bones, when he came in the door, like he wanted.
It took me a long time feel comfortable again. Now I want it 3 times a week & I'm lucky if I get it once a week.:D