Monday, October 30, 2006

More cuteness






Cake or Bed? That is the question!

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME
WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE, THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT
TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.
I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS.
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS....................................
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?
SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO... DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

More cuteness or When Pets go mad!





Friday, October 27, 2006

I'm sure you may have seen some of these or all but they are so cute:


Here is an alligatorpup

















Scary pumpkin!












Pockapuppy

Monday, October 23, 2006

Sing me a song about sewing



This is not my picture but one I down loaded from the internet. It does look just like the one I got from my Grandma's though. I was searching the web looking for some info on it & was excited to find pics of one that looks just like my Grandma's. Isn't it beautiful? I fell in love with it.

We are still getting furniture out of my Grandma's because my Uncle owns the house now & he said that what ever was still there was going to the dump!

I also got some paper work on family history that my Grandma did. It tickles me pink to have this research for many reasons, but one is the fact that it is in my Grandma's own handwriting.

That is all for now. Type at ya'all later!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Red Skelton's Recipe For the Perfect Marriage


1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere..... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

Bubba

I hope I didn't already post this but it is funny!

Bubba, a furniture dealer from AL, decided to expand his line of furniture, so went to Paris to see what he could find.Arriving, he met some manufacturers & picked a line he thought would sell well back home.To celebrate he decided to visit a small bistro & have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine he noticed the place was crowded & the other chair at his table was the only vacant one.Before long a beautiful Parisian girl came, asked him something in French he didn't understand & motioned to the chair.He invited her to sit, tried to speak to her in English, but she didn't understand, so after a few minutes trying to talk to her, he took a napkin, drew a picture of a wine glass & showed it to her.She nodded & he ordered her a glass of wine.After sitting there a while he took another napkin & drew a picture of a plate of food. She nodded & they left to find a quiet cafe with a sm all band. They ordered dinner, after which he took a napkin & drew a picture of a couple dancing.She nodded & they got up & danced until the cafe closed & the band packed.At the table, the girl took a napkin & drew a picture of a 4 poster bed.To this day Bubba has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business...

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

WEdding



This is my Grandparents Wedding picture. They are with their Wedding Party. I think it is made up of all family. I think it is all my Grandma's brothers & sisters, but I could be wrong. I wasn't there that day. heeheehee

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Family



Here is a picture of my Grandma & her parents. She was the youngest of 10.

I have been doing family history, or, at least, trying to. I have met a extremely distant cousin who has made that her life's work. There is so much work already done for me through them. They have us traced back all the way to 1611. There is some names & places that go back further but there is nothing to prove it.

Someone in the family still has a book that is from the early 1600's that belong to my one great... grandpas that can be proven. It was a book he brought to America in the 1600's.

Another Great... Grandpa fought in the Revelutionary War & is one of the earliest settlers in the area where my Grandmother grew up. Some one in the family still has a bell that he bought on his way back from a battle. The story goes he was walking home & heard a bell & wondered where it was coming from. He & his fellow solider walked to find it & came to an ox in the field with the bell on. They went up to the farmers cabin & asked to buy it. The man said they can buy it for a dollar per mile from the battle field, since he lived 4 miles from the field, the bell was $4. My Great... Grandfather had 2 dollars & the other solider had 2 dollars. So the farmer suggested to draw straws to see who would win the bell & my Great... Grandfather won.

They bring, both the book & the bell to the family reunions & I can't wait til next year so I can see them.

Things to do in the elevator!

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator,
tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.


2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Smile,and go back for more.


3) Ask if you can push the button for other people,
but push the wrong ones.


4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone
and ask if they know what floor your on.


5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend.
After a while, let the doors close,and say,
"Hi Gregg. How's your day been?"


6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up,
then scream,"That's mine!"


7)Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone,gets on,
ask if they have an apointment.


9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on,
ask them if they can hear ticking.


11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures
and exits with the passengers.


12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13)Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others,
"It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"


15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.

17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering.

18) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peeringinside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
without getting off.


20) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror,
"Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.


21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
(because u always have yrs with u?!!)


23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, thenannounce, "I have new socks on".

25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce tothe other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

26) Walk in and don't turn around


Hope I put a smile on your face!
If I did send me a smile back!


If anything else, I put some color into your life today!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Run Skippy!


A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for a family dinner.This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!". The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it.She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!"