Friday, September 29, 2006

THE REDNECK FAMILY TREE

Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow who was as pretty as could be.
This widow had a daughter who had hair of red.
My Father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.
To complicate tha matter worse, although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little boy then became a brother-in law to dad,
And soon became my uncle, though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, then that would make him brother.
To the widow's grown-up daughter, who of course, was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mom and that truely makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife , she is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!

Smile, nobody's here but you & me;)




Monday, September 25, 2006

Some Quickies

Quickie 1:
One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by
his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quickie 2:
A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway,
and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said,
"Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said.
"Just get the hell out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quickie 3:
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and
the other is a husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quickie :4
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied,
"I know the guy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Quickie 5:
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God,"
said an elderly nun at the back.
"I'm so tired of chardonnay."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
Quickie 6:
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CARE FUL!
Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY!
Turn them!
TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter.
Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK!
Careful...CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never!
Turn them!
Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt.
USE THE SALT!
THE SALT!!!
THE SALT!!!"
The wife stared at him.
"What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband replied,
"I just wanted you to know how I feel while I'm driving."

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Just a few sayings

Love is grand !
Divorce is a hundred grand .
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I am in shape.
Round is a shape.
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Time may be a great healer,
but it's a lousy beautician.
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Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
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Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
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Even if you are on the right track,
You'll get run over if you just sit there.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Why the Percents have changed!

Katie Couric just said that the percent of teens using drugs has gone down, but the percent of their parents using drugs has gone up. Doesn't this explain itself. Kids cause stress, drugs help you think you can cope with stress. Even though I have never tried drugs, I can see why some parents do. Not that I encourage it, but you get what I mean. Plus our generation still got spanked but now you are not allowed to spank & kids will use that in your face. (Mine haven't but I have heard of many kids doing this.) I do not agree with child abuse, don't get me wrong, but I always thought smacking your kids was wrong until I had some. Not that I believe it is the right thing to do either. I have mixed feelings on it. Honestly I have found no form of punishment that works with my kids. I think every family & every kid is a different situtation.
But I definitely see why parents using drugs is up. Don't you?

Little school humor!

My Taz (Austin) likes to talk with a thick twang. He strives to be a Redneck.
I have been asking him to stop & talk normal, he just ignores me & keeps going.
Today when I picked him up, he was in rare form. I said I hope you don't talk like that to your teacher & he said he did in his best southern twang. He also mumbles when he talks so we don't always understand him. He also said that the new principle likes to talk him in the hallway. Austin wore his Cleveland Browns shirt today, so I said that now his underwear would match his shirt. They were tidy whites this morning, then the principle said something to him & now they match his browns shirt.:D

Austin also said that his teacher gave him a good mark today for behavior & wrote "get'er done" on his paper. I just don't think this is true. ;)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

School Daze again!



This is the crew after their 1st day at school. They started back last week on the 28th August. Timothea 10, 5th grade, Isabella 5, Kindergarten, Austin 8, 3rd grade & Marc 12, 6th grade.
Everything is going ok but Timothea doesn't want to do her homework. She's getting it done, but very slowly. Plus with a lot of argueing. (sigh) The worse part is her teacher has given her homework everynight including the 1st day & over the weekend. Marc didn't have that much homework when he was in 5th grade.

We've been very busy. The summer flew by way too fast! If whoever stoled August away... please return it.

Well, that's about it for now. Hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things again, soon. I have missed my blogging life.:D